“Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the universe, because I’m the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets.” — Rick

“What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?” — Rick
“Boom! Big reveal! I turned myself into a pickle!” — Rick

“To live is to risk it all; otherwise you’re just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you.” — Rick

“I’ll tell you how I feel about school, Jerry: It’s a waste of time. Bunch of people runnin’ around bumpin’ into each other, got a guy up front says, ‘Two plus two,’ and the people in the back say, ‘Four.’ Then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or somethin’. I mean, it’s not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.” — Rick

“Sometimes science is more art than science.” — Rick

“If I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty.” — Rick

“Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call ‘love’ is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.” — Rick

“Don’t move. Gonorrhea can’t see us if we don’t move. Wait! I was wrong! I was thinking of a T. rex.” — Rick

“Have fun with empowerment. It seems to make everyone that gets it really happy.” — Rick

“I know that new situations can be intimidating. You’re lookin’ around and it’s all scary and different, but y’know, meeting them head-on, charging into ‘em like a bull — that’s how we grow as people.” — Rick

“You gotta do it for Grandpa, Morty. You gotta put these seeds inside your butt.” — Rick

“I’m a scientist; because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don’t like something about the world, I change it.” — Pickle Rick