The Big Gank Theory [UBLAP]

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool
The autotrophs began to drool
Neanderthals developed tools
We built a wall (we built the pyramids)
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries
That all started with the big gank!


GANK!
"Since the dawn of man" is really not that long
As every galaxy was formed in less time than it takes to sing this song.
A fraction of a second and the elements were made.
The bipeds stood up straight
The dinosaurs all met their fate
They tried to leap but they were late
And they all died (they froze their asses off)
The oceans and Pangea
See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya
Set in motion by the same big gank!
It all started with the big GANK!
It's expanding ever outward but one day
It will pause and start to go the other way
Collapsing ever inward, we won't be here, it won't be heard
Our best and brightest figure that it'll make an even bigger gank!
Australopithecus would really have been sick of us
Debating how we're here, they're catching deer (we're catching viruses)
Religion or astronomy, Encarta, Deuteronomy
It all started with the big gank!
Music and mythology, Einstein and astrology
It all started with the big gank!
It all started with the big GANK!.