Myng Merciless

The details of my life are quite inconsequential really,... very well. Where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with lowgrade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would dirnk. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typcial: summers in Rangoon... luge lessons... in the Spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag amd beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of 12, I receieved my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum- it's breathtaking. You should try it.