Amulius Croft

Once upon a time, there was this little sparrow, who while flying south for the winter froze solid and fell to the ground. And then to make matters worse a cow crapped on him, but the manure was all warm and it defrosted him. So there he is, he's warm and he's happy to be alive and he starts to sing. A hungry cat comes along and he clears off the manure and he looks at the little bird and then he eats him.

And the moral of the story is this: Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy, and everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend, and if you're warm and happy no matter where you are, you should just keep your big mouth shut.