The first record of Dirk D'Aguilar is the salvage report of the Gallente deep-space exploration cruiser Esperanto. Found in the only functional cryopod on a derelict of unknown origin, Dirk charmed his way onto the crew within hours of being defrosted.

Dirk soon showed enormous talent for every endeavour he set his mind to, and proved to be a remarkable pilot, scientist, poet, and pants-man. However, his judgement proved poor when he seduced the beloved daughter of one of the Amarr Holders, and her cries of ecstacy alerted the palace guards. Barely escaping from Amarr space. Dirk has vowed to only return in pursuit of someone supremely hot...

Dirk is best known for his definitive military treatise "Dirk's Little Art of War - Pop-Up edition", used to teach the brightest academy students in the Gallente Federation Navy, but his genius spans the entire breadth of human accomplishment.

This is, of course, complete bullsh!t. The truth is even more outrageous.