ChiBurger

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Mel Brooks

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Albert Einstein

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?

French Soldier: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs.
Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person.
I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

French Soldier: You don't frighten us with your silly knees-bent running around advancing behavior!

Monty Python- Holy Grail

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin