Auratus Hamford sprung fully formed from Marge Hamford, his mother, in the wilds of Wisconsin. In a mere three months, Auratus grew to the height of a man while teaching himself to read and write using only a shovel and a dead cat.

When the voices told him to, Auratus left home to attend college at the University of Buffalo where he joined Slytherin house and had many wonderful adventures. After graduating, Auratus evolved into a being of pure light and energy. Then he went to grad school and evolved even further into a being composed entirely of bile, anger, binder twine, and sweet, sweet, methadone. After grad school Auratus joined forces with five plucky Japanese schoolgirls to form a giant robot that fights crime.

Through all of this Auratus has read science, watched science, and studied science. Some academics have suggested that Auratus eats, sleeps, and breathes science, but this is simply untrue. The truth is that Auratus eats burritos, sleeps like a drooly baby,