Shit I've recently said to my cat, Major Tom:

1) You wanna stop putting your tail in my drink, goddamnit?!?

2) *singing as I open a can of expensive Japanese cat food* Who da best kitteh? Majuh Tom's da best kitteh... Who want da nomz? Majuh Tom want da nomz... Who gonna get dem nomz? Majuh Tom a get dem nomz!!!

3) Fuck god DAMN, Tom! I was drinking that...

4) Oh, FUCK, no, don't barf on the... Christ.

5) *singing* Who gotz da kate fudz? CRIPES got da kate fudz! Who want da kate fudz? TOM want da kate fudz! Nom, nom, nom, nom, NOM!!!

6) *grabbing the little bastard* FULL SNUGGLE TIME!!! Fuck, ouch... OUCH!!! GODDAMNIT!!!

7) FUCK, Tom, Get off my fuclakljdflakdjflkjadfllladfobv

8) Thanks for the gecko. Christ.