Nervous Nick

"What doesn't kill me, only makes me whinier."
"If you're going to laugh at me, then maybe I won't seduce you after all!"
-Pet Peeve: Flying through secure space, going to take a dump then coming back only to find that you've been pod-killed. Happened once.

This is usually the space where I am supposed to tell eveyone how many Corporations I belonged to or how many Portugese I've pod-killed but thats all very boring, so I present to you a collection of jokes in very poor taste. Enjoy!

-A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and the bartender says: "We don't serve ham sandwiches here!" and the ham sandwich says "Thats ok, I'm just here for a drink."

- Q: What did the fish say when he when he swam into a chunk of coral?
A: Damn!

- A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog vendor and asks him to make him one with everything.

-Did you hear about the Tsunami that hit Surrey B.C.?
It did over 40 million dollars worth of improvements! Har!

-Q: What did the blind-deaf-dumb boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas?
A: Cancer

-Q: What do you call a magical talking flying school bus capable of time travel and long division?
A: Omnibus! (note: this joke seemed alot funnier to me when I was drunk. Apologies)

-A man visits his doctor with complaints of stomach pain. The doctor checks the man out, then gravely tells the man he has six monthes to live. The man of course is mortified. "Six monthes! Is there anything that I can do doctor?!" says the man
"Well I recommend moving to Saskatchewan, buying a pig farm, and marrying a large hedonistic Polish woman." the doctor replies.
"How the hell is that going to help me?" asks the man
To which the doctor replies "Well those six monthes will seem like an eternity."

-Q: Whats the best thing about being a test tube baby?
A: You get a womb with a view!