Lou Skannon

Lou Skannon was a man.

At least, that's what Lou remembers.

One night in a particularly questionable Jita bar, Lou made the catastrophic decision to drink whatever the bartender called a “Caldari Nightcap.” The next morning, Lou woke up in a medical bay with a splitting headache, a suspiciously cheerful surgeon, and an entirely different body.

Nobody admitted to performing the procedure.

Nobody knew who paid for it.

The surgeon simply handed Lou a bill, a complimentary bottle of Quafe, and the advice: “Try not to drink in Jita again.”

Lou ignored the last part.

His asscrack always wet and sticky.

These days, Lou has abandoned respectable employment and spends her time traveling to the farthest corners of New Eden pursuing one goal: finding exceptionally enthusiastic men willing to participate in her increasingly bizarre personal hobby.

She calls it “splooge collecting.”

Everyone else calls it “whatever the hell Lou is doing.”

From Angel Cartel backwaters to Minmatar drinking holes, Lou wanders from station to station, following rumors, invitations, and occasionally handwritten notes mysteriously appearing in her quarters.

She doesn't want ISK.

She doesn't want fame.

She doesn't want revenge.

She wants nutsack heavy cream.

Nobody is entirely sure what that means, and Lou refuses to clarify.

Her ship's cargo hold contains no weapons, no valuables, and absolutely no explanation.

Just a handwritten sign taped to the bulkhead:

“IF YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW.”

Lou Skannon has finally found her calling.

Unfortunately for New Eden, she's very, very committed to it.