Feck Manlett

Okay son sit down I basically live for toast, this is my time to shine.

There are different kinds of bread. You have soft cloudy \xd6lz, you have the dry shit that'll make your face scream in agony, you have all kinds of in-betweeners with more or less moisture and density, which means they all act differently when inside a toaster, and I'll get to that a bit later.

You have people with different tastes. Some people only like to warm the shit up so they can eat their raw toast with the raw meat they'd just brought from the forest because they're goddamn savages, you have coal miner-type motherfuckers who bring their work home in the form of coal-flavored toast, and you have people between those two extremes that are more or less normal. You want it golden? Slightly burned just for that crispy taste? Maybe you just want a bit of yellow so it starts crunching? A toaster with a heat knob can take care of that, you asshole.

But some people like their toast specific -- like I said, different toasts react to heat differently. Some kinds might like lower heat over a long time and some taste much better if the heat is more powerful, but spread out over a short period of time. Most toasters have a "cancel" button that you can use, and if they don't they're manual, which means all the more control over your goddamn toast. Few toasters are created equal though, and tastes vary wildly from person to person, so you gotta experiment with what works for you, including maybe sometimes buying toast that isn't the cheapest, you sick fuck.

There's also the fact that some toasters have wires over them so you don't have to fucking put anything in the fucking toaster, but you can put like a croissant over it and the heat coming from the toaster will heat it up unless you're an idiot and don't know how basic airflow and thermodynamics work and expect the toaster to heat your stupid french shit while it's still in the freezer. Ceci n'est pas une fucking wizardry, my month-old nephew understands this shit. If anyone asks me toastology should be taught in schools.

Also the highest setting can burn some grime and shit that gets stuck in the toaster, like me, I'm a nasty motherfucker, I put the shit on high without anything in it and it basically cleans itself, no soap or shit to have your next sandwich batch smell like my left armpit after a good shower.