Did you know that deadbeat fatherhood is a major moral issue facing capsuleers? Every year, an estimated 10,000,000,000 children watch their fathers undock to go get some Quafe, only to never return. And that number is growing annually. Delinquent fatherhood is the fourth largest moral issue facing capsuleers, after being a sadistic murdering sociopath, gender dysphoria (there are not as many female capsuleers as you may have been lead to believe) and alcoholism. Many of these abandoned children grow up to be space pirates, perhaps trying to follow in daddy’s footsteps, only to be yeeted by someone like him. It’s a tragic cycle and one that only we can end!

For the small cost of 1 ISK a year, you can sponsor an abandoned capsuleer child with a bowl of gruel each day and a job in an Amarr factory. If you aren’t a total monster, for 100,000,000 ISK a year we can give one child a complete injection-based education while they gain hands-on experience in our exciting ice mining program, located in lovely Chanoun (pronounced Cha-noon), so that they don’t grow up to join the local Blood Raiders.

Also yes, sometimes we rob banks but it’s for the children so that makes it OK.