- No Tony Abbott's Allowed
- Our CEO changes at will; even if you didn't vote for them!
- Instead of a Fiber optic network, you will get a can and a piece of string!
- No Australian needs more than 12Mbps! Only kids playing games need more; and they should be outside instead of wasting away inside!
- Expensive and extravogant helicopter rides are allowed, so long as you tax our "citizens"; lookin' at you, Bronnie!

Like our ridiculous policies? Don't want to make decisions for yourself? Become an Australian Citizen today! By becoming a Citizen, you are waiving all rights to privacy and independence.