I am an Executive Transvestite! You know - Travel the world, see many great things, become culturally urbane - that's much more executive. Not like one of those fecking weirdo transvestites like J. Edgar Hoover! What a asshat he was! They found out when he died that he was a transvestite and they said, "Well that explains a his weird behavior!" Well yeah! Because he was a WEIRDO transvestite! I'm an exectutive transvestite - it's a much bigger community - much bigger than you'd think...

So! I didn't join the army, as you might have noticed. If you're a bloke wearing a lot of makeup, you know…I don't think they need to ask, really! And so you can't join, they go, "No, no, you can't. It's the wrong shade of lipstick for the Army, I'm afraid." And they're missing a huge opportunity here, ‘cause we all know one of the main elements of attack is the element of surprise, and so what could be more surprising than the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade?