Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
Ooh, it must've been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of a sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the paleolithic era, comes out
of the water.
We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat and I said "Thomas, what on earth is that creature?!"
It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes,
Oh, it was so scary!
and I yelled. I said, "What do you want from us, monster?!" And the monster bent down and said, "...Uh I need about tree-fitty."
That's right. I said "I ain't giving you no tree-fitty you goddamn Loch Ness monster! Get your own goddamn money!"