I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas, and manage time efficiently. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

Column of smoke by day, pillar of fire by night --Dune (Exodus 13:21)