My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.