Dear Mr.Jones

We thank you for your interest in our work. Unfortunately though, we have no interest in your attached sketch entitled "A Breakthrough in Awesome Space Rockets, Now Give Me Some Money". We've long been aware of the science behind the reaction that occurs between Coke and Mentos, so believe us when we say that there's no practical use for it in our work - even if we did use "a shit load of Coke", as you so eloquently put it.

Regarding your application, if it can be called that, to become a "spaceman", we regret to inform you that we're not looking for anyone at this present time. Besides, it takes years of hard training to become an astronaut and is not, as you suggest, "...something so simple a chimp has done it". To learn more, we suggest you read up on your so called idol Buzz Aldrin, who we assume you were referring to when writing Buzz Lightyear.

Sincerely,
Steven Malkovich
Associate Administrator
NASA