I like to kick puppies and put kittens in a black garbage bags and leave them on the side of the highway in July. I also enjoy stealing candy from babies and pushing old people down stairs. I also like to fart in public places and argue with store clerks.
My hobbies include boring you to death with political talk of how you should only hold the same views as me and how your views are stupid and trivial.
I am unique because I am the best no one is better than me, including yourself, so you must submit to me and do every thing that I say because you are my zombie and I own you.
My aspirations are to dominate the world some day and put my friend in a bird cage and shoot spitballs at him for all of eternity, he deserves it. If you would like your own birdcage in my golden palace I suggest you be nothing but nice to me and allow me to flush your hamster down the toilet. If you don't have a hamster then go out and buy one before we talk or I will slap your children.
That is all.