Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.


I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.


The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.


Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its \xa32.50/min (charges may vary)


Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".


Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.


If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam.


They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.