"It's not a tumor!"

"It's got waffles in 'em!"

A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up or let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could; to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as if he's the most handsome man in the room, and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible...

No, wait... sorry... I'm thinking of beer.
That's what beer does...
Never mind.