"You accidentally use the same pot you used to boil the cosmoline off your AK to cook spaghetti in.

You wake up with a terrible stomach cramp, and look down through the sheets, seeing a faint red glow coming from your stomach. The faint sound of Russian march music can be heard instead of your bowels buckling. Cringing in pain, you sit down on the can as the music intensifies. As you do your business, the sound of Polyshka Pole blares out of your anus."