Dark Helmet: Fire a warning shot across her nose.
Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot, I said across her nose, not up it.
Gunner: Sorry, sir, doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that! What's his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole!
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole too, sir. Gunner's mate First Class Philip Asshole!
Dark Helmet: How many assholes have we got on this ship, anyhow?
Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes! Keep firing, assholes!

Intel Translation:

"Crapload" 5 - 6
"Shit Load" 7 - 12
"Shit Ton" Local is Full (12 - 16)
"Fuck Ton" Local is Scrolling (18 - 25)

Prefixes:
"Fucking" (Double what was called from the above list)
"Metric" (Bash Fleet)
"Imperial" (Lord Vader is in Attendance)