I am a professional Jita pilot, and by that, I mean I’ve mastered the fine art of warping in, checking market prices, and warping right back out again with zero intention of actually buying anything. My ship? It’s a high-tech, state-of-the-art, over-engineered cargo container that will never deliver anything. I’ve made more ISK from watching people get scammed than from doing actual business.

I’m known for my ability to dodge pirates and the occasional ganker in Jita, but more often than not, I’m just clicking “Order History” for no reason other than it makes me look busy. Who needs a plan when you can float in space and look important?

I’ve been selling nothing on the market for years, and somehow still manage to hold a full inventory of items I’m pretty sure I never actually bought. When I’m not staring into the abyss of Jita’s local chat, I’m probably pretending to be involved in some epic battle—though, let’s be honest, it probably happened in another system entirely.