Caldari State: Thank you all for attending this mandatory financial meeting.

Gallente Federation: You’re broke again, aren’t you?

Caldari: We prefer “temporarily ISK-negative.”

Minmatar Republic: You bought something dumb, didn’t you?

Caldari: It was seven missile factories. Bulk discount.

Gallente: From who?

Caldari (quietly): …us.

Amarr Empire: This is why faith, not markets, should guide wealth.

Minmatar: Didn’t you gold-plate a battleship?

Amarr: It was holy.

Gallente: It got stolen.

Amarr: It was reallocated by divine will.

Caldari: Anyway, we need a small loan.

Gallente: How small?

Caldari: One star system.

Minmatar: No.

Amarr: No.

Gallente: Absolutely not.

(Alarm beeps)

Caldari: …We just lost another convoy.

Minmatar: Pirates?

Caldari: All of them.

Gallente: You united pirates. That’s actually impressive.

Caldari (desperate): Fine. New plan: microtransactions.

Minmatar: Oh no.

Caldari: Premium missiles. Same damage… but blue.

Gallente: I hate that I want that.

Amarr: The Empire will take 10,000.

Caldari (smiling): We’re saved.

Minmatar: We’re doomed.

Gallente: Worth it.