Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline..
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If you are obessesive compulsive press 1 repeatedly
If you are co-dependant ask someone to press 2 for you
If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5 and 6
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want..stay on the line and we'll trace your call
If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership
If you are a nymphomaniac please stop doing that with the phone
If you are schizophrenic listen carefully - a small voice will tell you which button to press.
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