WWUTT. How am i supposed to know how to act my age? ive never been this old before!

Went swimming at the local pool and I was taking a pee in the deep end when the lifeguard saw me. Stupid idiot blew his whistle so hard i nearly fell in !!!

Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.

What kind of exercise do lazy people like me do?
Diddly-squats.

Ive been told i have a bungalow for a brain.....Theres nothing upstairs.

How do you measure a snake? In inches—they don’t have feet.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You probably think it’s “R” but it be the “C”.

A woman walks into a butcher shop "How much for the pig's head?", "Ma'am, that's a mirror"