Apoptygmus Berzerk aka "His Mediochreness"

He who prowleth the galaxy, eternally in search for someone to rival his blaspheming mediochreness - scorcher of none - he who hath fled from shuttles - he who doth not fail to whine - he who shunneth the bathtub and would rather feed his granny (by the way a straight 9 Gilf) to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal than use a fork, is not amused again.

Born to Honk Berzerk and his now fled wife Psychoactiva by Loreen the housemaid he was removed from the household after feeding the familiy dog (Losey) the family Hamster (Huey) and the whole Gooey Kablooie.
After running from basically anybody he met, he found a home on the remote planet of Blort where he invented the game of "Snort the Honker" which immediately brought him a big fortune and three years in jail. Doing time, he perfected his carebearing technique of Idle Loitering and now searcheth the galaxy for someone he can sell the remains of the Gooey Kablooie. U want s