Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun

When chuck norris does push ups, he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the world down

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom, because there are no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris